I hate Twitter, so I did this on Facebook… here’s how it went. Anything that is in parentheses (outside of one instance) is being added now for clarity.
8:30pm - It’s Time… The 86th Annual Academy Awards!!!
8:43pm - Rayon!! Great speech, Leto… Great speech!
8:53pm - Hey, Pharrell… Get a new hat, buddy. And this song sucks. Meryl and Amy dancing is awesome, though.
8:57pm - Oh, Naomi…
9:02pm - Yeah!! Indy!!!
9:15pm - FROZEN wins! Wait, who cares?? MONSTERS UNIVERSITY deserved it!
9:17pm - Kim Novak looks/sounds terrible… Time, you suck.
9:21pm - Oh, Emma… What a Goddess.
9:23pm - GRAVITY wins Visual Effects?? Shocking!! #sarcasmontheinternet
9:32pm - Hello Kate Hudson’s chest… It’s always nice to see you.
9:42pm - I forgot Kevin Spacey won an Oscar for THE USUAL SUSPECTS… How in God’s name did I forget that??
9:49pm - Obi-Wan’s looking slick… new beard idol in the making?
9:50pm - THE GREAT BEAUTY wins!!!! So damn good. Congratulations Paolo, Toni and Janus Films!!
9:51pm - Booooooooooooo… you suck Tyler Perry.
9:55pm - U2 sucks… can some of the lighting please fall on and kill or mangle Bono… please.
10:04pm - I love Kristen Bell.
10:07pm - Hello Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth… #beautifulpeoplearebeautiful
10:08pm - No!! Mixing was supposed to go to INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS… dammit!!
10:11pm - **Crosses Fingers** (Christoph Waltz was about to announce Best Supporting Actress.)
10:15pm - Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!! (Jennifer Lawrence lost.)
10:17pm - How cool is Christoph Waltz, though? (He’s super cool.)
10:24pm - Best part of the show right now… #sarcasmontheinternet (The President of the Academy was speaking.)
10:26pm - Amy Adams and Bill Murray!!! A Goddess and a God!! Awesome.
10:29pm - Emmanuel Lubezki takes it!! Roger Deakins… another nod, another loss. (Bruno Delbonnel deserved it, though.)
10:29pm - Hello, Anna… (Kendrick)
10:31pm - GRAVITY takes editing!! Yes!!! Does this mean Picture, too?? #historywouldsayyes (But no… rightfully so.)
10:33pm - It would be awesome if HER swooped in and stole Best Picture. #pipedreams (It really would have been.)
10:42pm - P!nk kinda killed it… good job! (Much better than I would have expected.)
10:43pm - Heheh… it is a good name… Benedict Cumberbatch.
10:45pm - Boooooo, THE GREAT GATSBY… this is the second Oscar you’ve stolen over a more deserving picture. (First was Costume over AMERICAN HUSTLE, now Production Design over HER.)
10:58pm - No, Bette… Don’t!! Nooo… #niagarafalls
11:05pm - Goddammit, Bette… You’ve still got it. Close’s fantastic speech into that great montage ending with PSH into Bette?? Best In Memoriam segment in years… Now excuse me while I go dry my eyes.
11:15pm - HER should’ve won Score… (It really should have.)
11:16pm - Steven Price has huge ears… (He really does.)
11:18pm - Noooo… That song is shit!!! At least Bono didn’t win… Awesome job on the speech, though. Very well executed and fun. (FROZEN won Best Song.)
11:23pm - I can’t believe the Oscars are running this late… #sarcasmontheinternet
11:27pm - Best win of the night!!! Spike Jonze!!! Only thing that’ll beat this is my boy Wooderson taking Actor.
11:35pm - Cuaron!!!
11:46pm - Cate is Great! #stillwantedAmythough
11:48pm - Goddess… (Jennifer Lawrence is presenting Lead Actor.)
11:51pm - Alright Alright Alright!!! Academy Award Winner David Wooderson!! Congratulations, McConaughey… Just Keep Livin’!!
11:55pm - Best speech of the night… by far! Get it, McConaughey!!
12:00am - Steve McQueen and Brad Pitt just won Oscars… Awesome. McQueen’s HUNGER was one of the all-time best debuts and Pitt should’ve won for 12 MONKEYS, so it’s about damn time. Such a powerful, beautiful, painful film.
What’d all of you think of the show?